in a rut

it's midterms week, im in my last exam tomorrow.
and there's nothing i'm looking forward to this week..
last week i had, because jog and i had plans..
but now, i don't know...

we argued about the same things all over again last night.
partly my fault, because we've talked about this a million times already, agreed upon a solution but still i can't seem to understand.

i just can't accept the fact that the best reason he could give me is "sorry, i can't"
and even if we say we're in a relationship, that we are happy, it could only take one phone call, a text or a chat that could ruin it all.

i love him. very much. but even if i say this to myself over and over and over again, it still doesn't make a difference on how i feel or think...

Pangga (jen, his sister who's also my closest friend) said it best...
"there are a million and 1 reason why you should not continue on this battle but it there's one reason why you should...its because you love him.."

and it hurts big time!
we agreed not to talk, until i've made up my mind. i don't know if i could live with that...
i'm so used to talking to him all the time...(very dependent i know)

it hurts that we're like this now, that we could be the sweetest looking couple then the not-talking-for-a-week couple the next..

we're happy,i'm happy,i love him,he loves me, and i cant believe we're messed up because of that tiny detail!

and for the first time in the history of my relationships i don't blame it on him..i mean i dont put all the blame on the guy...

i'm just hoping for the best..

this shall all past......